I have been a fan of Spike Milligan, poet, actor, writer, Goon, since I was around 8 years old. I had received his book “The Little Pot Boiler” as a gift and it was my first experience of true nonsense poetry written by a master of nonsense.

When I finally came across his poem “Abc” I was disappointed that he had skipped the letters M N O P Q R S and T. Although the poem is amusing it always rankled me. I have decided to add a verse to Spikes’ poem to include those letters. I appreciate this may be a bit rude, but I would hope that Spike would have liked it, god rest his soul.

Abc by Spike Milligan

‘Twas midnight in the schoolroom and every desk was shut, when suddenly from the alphabet was heard a loud “Tut-Tut.”

Said A to B “I don’t like C, his manners are a lack. For all I ever see of C is his semi-circular back!”

“I disagree” said D to B, “I’ve never found C so. From where I stand he seems to be an uncompleted O.”

C was vexed “I’m much perplexed you criticise my shape. I’m made like that to help spell Cat and Cow and Cool and Cape.”

“He’s right” said E; Said F, “Whoopee!”; Said G “‘Ip, ‘Ip, ‘Ooray!” “You’re dropping me,” roared H to G. “Don’t do it please I pray.”

“Out of my way,” LL said to K “I’ll make poor I look ILL.” To stop this stunt J stood in front and presto! ILL was JILL.

Said M to N “I need to P.” O said “Join the Q.” R shouted “Snake!” and T replied “It’s S you see, don’t get in a stew.”

“U know” said V, “that W is twice the age as me. For as a Roman V is five, I’m half as young as he.”

X and Y yawned sleepily, “Look at the time!” they said. “Let’s all go to beddy byes.” They did, then “Z-z-z.”

THE END

I hope you liked it and that it works. I had fun thinking about it.